(Mike Sparks)

Reach for the gin, the water's pouring in
Reach for the lifebelt it's sink or swim
Call for the coastguard I think its getting worse
The ocean to a sailorman is nothing but a curse

I went to the boatshow, now you really should have come
Walking round the cruisers there I thought I heard Drake's drum
I heard wind in the rigging and calls of shantymen
I went and got me chequebook out and bought one there and then

I signed up at the yacht club and got it safely moored
The Commodore he hailed me and asked to come aboard
He spoke of a regatta, whatever that might be
And he seemed to think I'd want to take my vessel out to sea

I said that going sailing wasn't anything I'd planned
I hadn't got instructions and no books of maps to hand
I didn't know port from starboard and I couldn't tell east from west
He seemed to think this made me somewhat better than the rest

I hoisted up my sails and I headed out to sea
The watchers on the pierhead were all waving vigorously
And I was smiling at them as we hit that fishing smack
And they were still there waving as the lifeboat towed us back

I'll go no more a-sailing, of that you can be sure
I'll just stay here safely tied up by the clubhouse door
Waving at the others sailing out and sailing in
Sitting on my quarter-deck a-drinking of the gin

© 1999 Mike Sparks

This song appears on the CD 'Going Round Again'