(Mike Sparks)

You've come to the front as bold as can be
You start off the song but you're in the wrong key
After several more keys you're feeling a burk
You try 27 and none of them work

Oh bugger, oh bugger oh bugger oh bugger
Oh bugger oh bugger oh damn
Oh bugger oh bugger oh bugger oh bugger
Oh bugger oh bugger oh damn

You've got a wrist slasher it's long and it's sad
You're on the last verse and my God are you glad
You relax, give a smile, the worse thing to do
You reach the last line and you haven't a clue

There's this man standing up at the back of the room
With a voice like a foghorn, a terrible boom
He'll rattle out words just to help you along
Ouite unaware it's a different song

This helpful guitarist will stand by your side
To offer assistance whenever you've dried
He'll play all the tunes - he's an excellent chorder
And he knows all the words but in the wrong order

They ask you to sing a song you don't know
And you're foolish enough to give it a go
Best to be hung as a sheep not a lamb
Just sing bugger oh bugger oh bugger oh damn

© 2005 Mike Sparks