Embalming Tommy

(Mike Sparks)

Uncle Tommy died last Thursday, what a day to choose
He'd got his dole that morning then he'd spent the lot on booze
And then he had expired very much as he deserved
So that when we came and gazed on him he was very well preserved

He had a lovely finish like an Italian marble floor
Like the coachwork on a Rolls Royce or an antique mahogany door
Like veneer or finest varnish like an alabaster pot
Yes when we came and gazed on him Uncle Tom had got the lot

The undertaker came and took him to the mortuary
And laid him on the slab there so that everyone might see
Then the undertaker said your Uncle Tommy looks so charming
So that worm and clay don't him decay you should surely think embalming

Then he'll keep that lovely finish like an Italian marble floor
Like the coachwork on a Rolls Royce or an antique mahogany door
Like veneer or finest varnish like an alabaster pot
When we've finished with him Uncle Tom will keep the lot

Now Tom had been a navvy Tom had worked upon the land
So you might think embalming him was just a trifle grand
Like when it was suggested other folk might like to see him
And that we should turn his old front room into a mausoleum

Where they could see his lovely finish like an Italian marble floor
Like the coachwork on a Rolls Royce or an antique mahogany door
Like veneer or finest varnish like an alabaster pot
They could come and see that Uncle Tom had kept the lot

It was hard for us to fathom why in centuries ahead
We should think that folks might queue to see our drunken dead
When from the undertaker the embalming costs we learned
We stuck Tommy in a coffin and we sent him to be burned

No more the lovely finish like an Italian marble floor
Like the coachwork on a Rolls Royce or an antique mahogany door
No veneer no finest varnish and the only pot we got
Was the one with Tommy's ashes in once they cooled from being hot

1999 Mike Sparks

This song appears on the CD 'Going Round Again'