(Mike Sparks)

If you've retired like me don't watch the day time tele
Or you'll feel you're at the closing of your day
For the angst that is the advertising melee
Will make you want to throw yourself in Galway Bay

If you've trouble with your back whilst in the garden
There's kneeling pads and special forks and spades
There's surgical supports, elastic stockings
Electric powered wheelchairs, hearing aids

There's all sorts of things to make our lives more comfy
Self raising beds and chairs and stair lifts too
I'm surprised that no one's come up with the concept
Of a lifting seat to fire you off the loo

There's a man who says he's not getting any younger
So you won't leave your relatives bereft
Get a dignity in destiny insurance
It'll put you down and there'll be a few quid left

There's laxatives, pile ointment, stuff for ear wax
For unexpected itching, nasal hair
If incontinence is seen to be your problem
There's selected discreet pads for me to wear

So if you've retired don't watch day time tele
Or you'll feel your at the closing of your day
For the angst that is the advertising melee
Will make you want to throw yourself in Galway Bay

© 2004 Mike Sparks